Today, I'm the one who needs to be encouraged. I started here with my list of 15 things to help save a marriage, and today I'm taking my own advice.
It's kinda cool because these are things I would tell myself, if I were not worked up into a frenzy. (The definition of this word pretty much suits me today.)
Like most people who have been married for a while, my marriage continues to have its ups and downs. But, today is different. Today there is a new underlying problem for me. It is bitterness. (I'm number 5 in this list of definitions.)
|This made me laugh out loud!!|
But this week, I made a decision....a family decision...one of those decisions that is hard for me but best for the family unit.
I turned down a job offer. Not just any job offer...my dream job. At least, what I picture as being my dream job.
I'm trying to simplify my life, not make it more complicated. If I took the job, the family would have to move so I could be closer to work. My husband would have to find a new job. Our kids would have to change schools. And, we just did this whole "move and job change" thing in the last couple of years and it has made life pretty stressful.
Honestly, I also feel if I took the job, it might be detrimental to my marriage. This is a weird season for us... or at least for me. My husband might not agree with me. Maybe at year 15 this is just how it goes. (The average marriage only last 7 or 8 years so we are double the average!) Adding additional stress on the family might be the nail in the coffin. And, I'm committed to my marriage and my family .... so I said no ... to a wonderful job offer ... did I mention it was my dream job?
I'm just a little bitter.... it actually started last night.
I came home. My husband was frustrated over life and work, and he hardly spoke to me. He bypassed me in the kitchen when I was making an effort to have a conversation with him. He doesn't even know I've turned the job down. We discussed that I was considering it, but he hasn't asked about it ... in several days ... we really haven't had much of a conversation at all in several days ... other than schedules and kids. In his defense, this is not on purpose. He gets wrapped up in his own thoughts and doesn't pay much attention to what is going on around him. (Hint: That is bad for marriage!)
If you are a woman reading this, I don't have to tell you why I'm bitter. But, for everyone else let me explain....
I've made the decision that is best for my family... a decision that right now feels more like a sacrifice than a good decision. But, when I come home and my strained marriage is thrown in my face, I'm kicking myself and wondering if I should have taken the job. Is this marriage worth saving? Is it possible to save it? Will it always be this way... the 15-year-funk.... or will we get past it and move on like we normally do?
Today, as I read my own words from 15 months ago, I am humbled. I am reminded to take my own advice. Calm down, think about all the things I am working towards, remember the long-term goal and do not focus so much on today's problem. This too shall pass.
I feel better already. :)
(I ran across a crazy website to predict my divorce rate and turns out I'm in good shape! People with similar backgrounds who are already divorced: 16%. People with similar backgrounds who will be divorced in the next 5 years: 2%. So, it looks like I'm going to make it! lol)